Laws and Observations

I realized at the age of 24 that I knew everything there is to know. Then, Reagan got elected and I realized I was wrong. But I had the realization again, pretty much on an annual basis, every year going forward. Now that I'm 56, I realize that I don't know a damn thing. And I seem to know less every year. Should I reach 70 or beyond, the average broccoli crown would be in the genius category compared to what I'll probably know.
That said, there ARE a few things I've discovered in my time. I list them here, in graph form where possible:

Inverse relationships:
1: Comparing the volume of a man's motorcycle to his, ahem, "manhood". (ahem...confirmed by my gay friends)





2: What I know versus potential income.


3: Volume of public cell phone call versus importance.

4: Strength of faith versus need to tell everyone about it.


5: One more graph, this one based on my corporate experience:

Other observations:
6: The adjective "dysfunctional" before the word "family" is redundant.
7: Never trust a man with no (or thin) lips.
8: You can always trust jazz fans.
9: There are no jazz fans with no (or thin) lips.
10: Any commercial in which I hear the 800 number to call, more than once, is a ripoff.
11: When I see a picture of a 4 man rock band, even if it's for the first time, I automatically know who plays what instruments:
   a: The bass player is the tallest, most menacing looking person. He'll kill you if you try to talk to him. He's looking at the Harley behind the camera.
   b: The drummer is the person who looks out of focus. This is because he's so amped up that he can't keep still. He is either very lanky or very stocky, but never in between. He's looking at the espresso machine behind the camera.
   c: The guitarist is the most handsome guy in the band. He has the most smug expression on his face of the 4 members.  He's looking at his 3 hot groupies behind the camera.
   d: The keyboardist looks like he belongs in a classroom. He's nerdy,  and wears black rimmed glasses. He's not looking at the camera because he can't see it.

There you have it. If you have any more observations, feel free to educate me and the 2 other people who read this blog. I will give you a shoutout...I promise.