I Hate August

Here in Connecticut, we have at least 4 seasons. Probably more. Plus some twilight seasons, such as now in late August, which has been blessedly cool. It's the season of mostly summer with a taste of autumn, known as Sumumn.
But this is an exception. August is a useless month. It adds nothing to the quantity of anyone's life, as far as I know. You name the month, I can tell you at least one good thing about it. I can't think of a single benefit in August. There isn't even a holiday. It's, in fact, the only month of the year without even a minor holiday. In my entire life, I can only think of one friend with a birthday in August. Who wants to be born then? School is out; no one is around to celebrate your birthday. Everyone's irritable. The cake melts before Mom has a chance to set it down. I'll grunt my way through Happy Birthday and then go home and crank the AC. 
Reasons to get rid of August:
1-Brutally hot temperatures, exacerbated by humidity typically not seen in July.
2-Every business contact you need to speak with is out of town. No one is ever around in August. 
3-The social calendar is in limbo because, again, no one is around.
4-Those that are still here are more irritable than at any time of the year. Probably jealous that they're not on vacation. Which I totally get, by the way. 
5- Not only are we more irritable, we're also more incompetent. If one could quantify incompetence, August would rank the highest (or lowest, depending on how you judge these things)
6-For us easterners, watching hurricane paths on the Weather Channel. Which is kind of fun, actually. Unless it's headed your way, as was the case last year with Irene.
7-For those who love summer (of which I'm NOT one), sadness that summer is gone and the days of wearing white are over, which is a CT state law.
8-If you're a baseball fan, this is the month that reality sets in for your team that had a surprisingly strong first half. Such as my NY Mets, for example, who have free fallen since the All Star break. Same for you folks in Cleveland.  August is, in fact, the sports doldrums, unless you're into that thrilling mini-season known as NFL pre-season when, for only 100 dollars, you can watch your favorite player make a cameo appearance in a meaningless game.
9- Finally, as a kid, August meant summer reruns.
But most of all, what I think I dislike most about August is that it ties into my natural impatience. August is molasses. Autumn is the pit stop on the NASCAR life circuit. If each month was represented by a living thing, August's would be a snail. Or if we were to go to partial living things, August's would be a zombie. Because that's what we all are. I want fall to get here so I can revel in our spectacular New England foliage. I want to take the AC out of my window and sleep with the windows open. Better sleep=better quality of life. Exponentially so, in my case.

If I were president, I'd issue a directive making July and September each 45 days long, thus eliminating August altogether.