Rhode Island, etc.

So, we just came back from Rhode Island yesterday. I get rather opinionated whenever I drive through Rhode Island. All my geographic training kind of comes back. There's a part of me that thinks the state is a joke, and shouldn't be allowed to exist. Why does RI get equal representation in the Senate with the big boys (or girls...I don't want to hear sexist charges) from TX and CA? Doesn't seem fair. Not only that, the official state name isn't Rhode Island. It's "State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations." Actually the longest state name in the country. With a 72 point font, you could make a banner with the state name and it would stretch from CT to MA.
Then again, there's something uniquely beautiful about RI. To begin with, the beaches are the nicest north of the Jersey Shore. Plus, there are some cool names like Misquamicut. We stopped there for dinner on the way back and discovered a whole "Jersey Shore" like culture. And I mean the actual Jersey Shore, not the brain dead "reality" show.  It was a lot of fun. There are ferries, long bridges, and even a RI accent. Which is sort of Boston-like but not quite. 
The major city, Providence, has its own charm as well. Canals in the center of town. All kinds of history. And just a little south, in tony Newport, the first synagogue in America. And the mansions.
Finally, there's a little patch of land in the southeast part of the state called Sakonnet Point which, if you can get there at quiet times, is as pretty a place as you'll find in New England. 
So, I'm not going to go on a Chamber of Commerce campaign. But I just wanted to point out the quandary, for me, that is Rhode Island. Because, let's face it, a state this small really is over represented in Congress. Politically, it's a solid blue, old-school Democrat state. Which is another way of saying that it's hurting economically. As a native of Connecticut next door, I want to take it in like a lost bird and nurture it back to health. Not that CT is in great shakes financially. But it is healthier.
Such a merger, or conquest, if you prefer, is part of my plan to redraw the map so that we have 50 states, but realigned. Here's how it breaks down.
1: Let's face it...little CT and even littler RI have no right to exist politically. I personally love thumbing my nose at Rick Perry and TX and that my 2 senators probably carry more weight than the 2 from TX. Especially since one of them is Ted Cruz, a one man right wing grandstanding show. So what to do? Answer...merge them. A new state of Rhodecticut.
2: And we do the same for VT and NH. Again, during colonial times, it probably made sense. But now? I realize this is like a chemical experiment mixing a powerful acid with a powerful alkaline. But I still think it'll work. VT is on another planet anyway. Maybe we'll do them a favor. Welcome to Vermompshire.
3: And while we're at it, why does Delaware exist? It's a corporate haven. I realize that. But any other reason? No. We combine it with little Maryland and come up with Delaland. Or Maryware if you prefer.
4, 5, 6: States with directions? Don't need 'em. We now have Carolina, Virginia (taking over WV, which is a basket case anyway) and Dakota.

I realize that leaves us with 44 states. We need to get back to 50. How to do that? Easy. Break up the big boys (or girls).
1 and 2: California no longer exists. Again, a state that's hurting economically, with one of every 10 Americans, shouldn't have to shoulder this big a load. California is now broken into thirds. The northern, containing 97% of former hippies, "Hippieland". The middle, containing our most productive agricultural land, "Aliena", and the southern, containing LA and the afterthought of San Diego, the cliched but still effective, "LaLaLand."
3: We break up Texas. To begin with, Austin would be in favor of such a move. But it's just too big a state. The western part, native to so many great musicians, including one of my most beloved musicians, would be "Orbisonia". The east, "Barbequeland."
4: Florida? A joke already. So we spare continued embarrassment and break the state up along I-4. North of it, "Skynyrdania". South of it, "North Havana." (I hope my old Jewish relatives in Boca are OK with this).
5: As a native New Yorker, it's really about time we let New York City be the so-called 51st state it's always aspired to be. It thinks of itself as the center of the universe anyway. Why not push it in that direction? I realize this separates Nassau and Suffolk counties from the rest of the state. But hey, they can now join Rhodecticut and we can create a terrific beach tourism industry. 
6: We also make Puerto Rico a state once and for all.

End result: 50 states, and more parity.

Thanks as always for reading.