43

We've all been hearing about the new movie honoring Jackie Robinson. Haven't seen it yet, but GWCTRA (Girlfriend who chooses to remain anonymous) and I will be soon. I've seen the trailers and read the reviews, which match my reaction to the trailers. Which is that it seems shallow and formulaic and maybe too reverent. Yet, I still want to go and will keep an open mind.
But what you don't know is that Karl Rove is looking to cash in on this trend of "biopic with a number" title. Coming soon to a theater near you..."43".

Through some dogged research, sleuthing ability, and a recent discovery of some old mushrooms in the cellar, I have learned what the storyline is.

George W. Bush is born, not into luxury in New Haven, as we were told. Instead, he grew up in a shotgun shack on the outskirts of Midland, TX.
Through dogged persistence and something about a place called the Cayman Islands, he manages to get himself a scholarship to Yale. He wants to major in "freedom". Told there's no such major, he organizes a group of recently naturalized citizens to picket the hallowed halls of the famous university, ultimately winning a pledge from the deans to create such a major. He then says to President Kingman Brewster, in that famous folksy way of his, "Aw, ah was just pullin' your leg. You're doin' a heckuva job, Brewski." Everyone laughs and looks adoringly at the future POTUS.

But all is not well at Yale. 43 wants to be a star first baseman, like dad. But his teammates would have none of that, sneeringly rejecting him on the shaky ground that he can only hit .091 or that he cannot catch a ball because of his diagnosed case of tunnel vision, which only enables him to see only a thin line of light to his right side.

But our protagonist will eventually rise above it all. His mentor, Darth Voldecheney, says the words that will change his life. "I don't want a man who fights. I want a man who's smart enough to invade a foreign country for no reason whatsoever."

Our hero is inspired. His academic performance improves markedly, enabling him to graduate with a C average. He moves back to Texas and becomes the first black man to discover oil. (The storyline may take a few literary leaps in places). He enters politics. He fights for the people he represents; his working class millionaires.

And, as we all know, he would eventually rise to the highest position in the land. Under his leadership, all Americans prosper and terrorists are brought to their knees. And we all live happily ever, uh, um, well, I don't want to give away the ending. Besides, the mushrooms are wearing off.